What a difference time makes...

For me writing is therapeutic, with every word that leaves my head and rests on the screen or in my many journals around the house I am healed little by little.  I have recently returned to work, full time for the most part, and I was worried the new change would be very draining and taxing on me emotionally.  So far it has not even though having to interact with my ex husband is by no means a bed of roses.  If anything its more like wanting to Mow Down the Roses, at least in the past.  There have been times in my past that were so painful. This is a reality and if I allow myself to tap in to those old feelings I can clearly see just how deep and real the pain was back then.  As time passes the "realness" of those times fades.  However, there are times like today that I am reminded, gratefully reminded, not to let my guard down.  I wasn't reminded by something he did,  I was reminded when I found an old journal entry.  I have no memory of writing it because for me getting it on paper gets it out of my head BUT I know that I wrote it because reading it reminded me of how grateful I am for the passing of time, the gift of healing and the never ending strength life teaches me to have.
 
How do I get passed the pain
     How do I just sit around
        Watching as the ball gets    (golf)
         more attention than us
           Waiting for those nasty
              words to come
                 I may be the bitch
                  he says I am
                    I may be as worthless as
                     he makes me feel
Often I find myself alone in those thoughts
  How do I move on
     Hanging on seems to only
      hurt me deeper
        Loving my Family is not enough
          I cant seem to let it go either
             Like the grip of a pitbulls jaw
               my grasp will not slip
                 Even with the pain of the knife
                  that sits in my back
My heart wont skip a beat
     How am I to let it go
       when my heart wont let me
         I wish I could go back to when
           I knew our love was real



Wow so grateful those times are gone......................


                             

Blaker

This little man was truly an unexpected surprise that has changed my life in many ways. Other than being a HANDFUL his Daddy is without a doubt my other half and I lucky to have them both in my life. Together his dad and I learn from Blake everyday... Blake is smart, funny, sweet, compassionate, loving, defiant at times but is always eager to do better. I am grateful to call him one of my boys........................

I can only compare the love I have for this dog to the greatest gift I have ever known. The greatest gift ever given to me are the amazing 4 little people I have been blessed enough to have in my life... And then came Dozer, it is a different love than I have for the kids but as strong as any love Ive ever known...

O My this little guy.... He dam near killed me along his way here and the months, no years following his arrival seemed to be quite challenging too. Its all worth it just to hear this little man of mine tell me everyday he loves me..

Crazy Love

Ever since this sweet rose of mine was growing inside of me, we have had a crazy love.. I don't know how to accurately articulate how amazing this little one is... She will be a force to reckon with once she finds her own ground. She can be confident in one moment and self doubting the next unlike anything I have ever known. Everyday is a new day with Miss Chey Chey

Corina Corina

Hard to imagine that in a little over a month my baby girl will be 18!!! Time has simply gone by way to fast... I cant imagine my life any other way... This little girl helped me learn the true meaning of WoW....This MoM upside down.