For me writing is therapeutic, with every word that leaves my head and rests on the screen or in my many journals around the house I am healed little by little. I have recently returned to work, full time for the most part, and I was worried the new change would be very draining and taxing on me emotionally. So far it has not even though having to interact with my ex husband is by no means a bed of roses. If anything its more like wanting to Mow Down the Roses, at least in the past. There have been times in my past that were so painful. This is a reality and if I allow myself to tap in to those old feelings I can clearly see just how deep and real the pain was back then. As time passes the "realness" of those times fades. However, there are times like today that I am reminded, gratefully reminded, not to let my guard down. I wasn't reminded by something he did, I was reminded when I found an old journal entry. I have no memory of writing it because for me getting it on paper gets it out of my head BUT I know that I wrote it because reading it reminded me of how grateful I am for the passing of time, the gift of healing and the never ending strength life teaches me to have.
How do I get passed the pain
How do I just sit around
Watching as the ball gets (golf)
more attention than us
Waiting for those nasty
words to come
I may be the bitch
he says I am
I may be as worthless as
he makes me feel
Often I find myself alone in those thoughts
How do I move on
Hanging on seems to only
hurt me deeper
Loving my Family is not enough
I cant seem to let it go either
Like the grip of a pitbulls jaw
my grasp will not slip
Even with the pain of the knife
that sits in my back
My heart wont skip a beat
How am I to let it go
when my heart wont let me
I wish I could go back to when
I knew our love was real
Wow so grateful those times are gone......................
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